using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
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