i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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