My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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