Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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