what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
