we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
