One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
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