u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
