dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
