This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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