An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
