my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
