I faked an abortion last night.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
