I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
