she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
