Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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