How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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