My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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