my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
