living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
