Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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