Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
