That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
