Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
