Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
My ATM looks so different sober.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
