Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
