I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
