My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
