He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
