forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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