i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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