did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
