Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
