Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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