Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How external is "for external use only"?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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