Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
