I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
