do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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