Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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