i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
