Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
