Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She's the barista slut.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
