I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
