the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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