I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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