But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
