I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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