the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
