i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
