dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
