am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
